Stupid Shoulder Belt Designs

By Al Vinikour
Just like when I strapped myself into the ejection seat of a B-1B, there are a few procedures I go through in preparation for driving a vehicle that’s new to me. It begins with adjusting the seat — particularly the seat back. Unlike some people who seem to find it comfortable to drive with the seat adjusted like they’re in a hospital bed, I like some vertical support behind me. Second, I adjust the rear-view mirror and the outside mirrors. Then it’s off to the radio. If the vehicle has satellite radio, the process could take several minutes. The final item on my check list is adjusting the sliding lever for the shoulder belt. I always like my shoulder belt lever at its lowest position.
Occasionally, I encounter a vehicle that doesn’t have this function. This tells me that in just a few minutes I’ll be making moves like the upright bass player in Dave Brubeck’s jazz band. There’s no excuse for not having shoulder belts you can adjust to your own comfort level.
I know what you’re thinking: “What about convertibles?” To that I proclaim that any nation that gave the world inventors of such historic creations as the ShamWow and the Pocket Fisherman can surely find someone who can invent a way to put an adjustable shoulder belt on vehicles without solid B-pillars.